What You Need to Know About Domestic Violence (Fact Sheet)

Types of Abusive Men

“Why Does He Do That?”

Lundy Bancroft

The Types of Abusive Men

Chapter 4

“The qualities that make up an abusive man are like the ingredients in a recipe: The basics are always present, but the relative amounts vary greatly.”

“The sections below describe each style of man while he is being abusive.”

Excerpts from "Why Does He Do That?" (abuse)

Inside The Mind…

Excerpts from “Why Does He Do That?” by Lundy Bancroft

Ø  Definition of an Abuser: A man with recurring problems with disrespecting, controlling, insulting, or devaluing his partner-whether or not his behavior also includes more explicit verbal abuse, physical aggression, or sexual misconduct.

Ø  Abuse has very little to do with how a man feels and everything to do with how he thinks.

The core problem is a distorted sense of right and wrong and the belief that abusing or controlling is justifiable.

Ø  It is common for men to feel some guilt or discomfort about their abusive behavior, but simultaneously believe strongly the validity of his excuses and justifications.

Ø  Does he abuse me because he is mentally ill? It is his value system that is unhealthy, not his psychology. Mental illness does not cause abusiveness.

Ø  An abuser frequently tells you what you should think and tried to get you to doubt or devalue your own perceptions and beliefs.

Ø  Abusers become attached to the various privileges that they earn by operating with power and control. Utilize depersonalization and objectification to justify entitlement.

Ø  Abuse is not a product of bad relationship dynamics and you cannot make things better by changing your own behavior or attempting to manage your partner.

Ø  The abuser draws you into focusing on the turbulent would of his feelings to keep your eyes turned away from the true cause of his abusiveness, which lies in how he thinks.

Ø  He takes away your rights, especially your right to be angry with him.

Domestic Violence Book Resources

Domestic Violence Book Resource List

1)    “Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft

2)    “Getting Free” by Ginny Nicarthy

3)    “It’s my life now…starting over after an abusive relationship or domestic violence.” By: Meg Kennedy Dugan, M.A. & Roger R. Hock. PhD

4)    “The Verbally Abusive Relationship” by Patricia Evans

5)     “Living with a Passive-Aggressive Man” by Scott Wetzler

6)    “Betrayal Bond - Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships” by Patrick Carnes

7)    “The Dance of Anger - A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships” by Harriet Learner

8)    “Addictive Relationships - Reclaiming Your Boundaries” by Joy Miller

9)    “Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them - When Loving Hurts and You Don't Know Why” by Susan Forward

10)  “The Emotionally Abusive Relationship” by Beverly Engel

11)  “Breath, Eyes, Memory” by Edwich Danticat

12) “Not to People Like Us” (hidden abuse in upscale marriages) by Dr. Susan Weitzman

Personalized Safety Plan

Personalized Safety Plan

Checklist

What you need to take when you leave:

Domestic Violence Intervention Center (DVIC)

Domestic Violence Intervention Center (DVIC):  (615) 255-0711

·         1608 Woodmont Blvd., Nashville, TN  37215

·         404 James Robertson Parkway, Nashville, TN  37219

YWCA

Offers GED preparation programs throughout the day every weekday and on Saturdays at three different locations.  Instruction provided in all areas of the GED and practice tests are offered every week.

Located at 1608 Woodmont Boulevard, Nashville, TN 37215

Phone: 615-269-9922

Or Click HERE

Exchange Club Family Center Inc

Exchange Club Family Center Inc.
Phone: 333-2644
Website: www.exchangeclub.net

Offers a variety of programs to help end child abuse and family violence.  These programs services include a 24 hour hotline, adult anger management, counseling, parenting classes, and family mediation services. 

Located at 139 Thompson Lane, Nashville, TN 37211.

Legal Aid Society

Legal Aid Society
Phone: 244-6610
Website: www.las.org

Assists with enforcing and defending the rights of low-income families and individuals.

Located at 300 Deaderick Street, Nashville, TN 37201

Reconciliation Prison Ministry

Reconciliation Prison Ministry
Phone: 292-6371

Provides support and services for families with an incarcerated loved one.

Located at 702 51^st Avenue North, Nashville, TN 37209 

Domestic Violence Programs and Sexual Assault Services

Domestic Violence Programs and Sexual Assault Services          

Phone: 896-7377             

Website: www.dvpshelter.org

Non-profit organization committed to ending violence and discrimination in the lives of victims suffering the pain, fear, and shame of domestic abuse.  Services include: Emergency Shelter, Legal Advocacy, Children’s Services, Elder Abuse Advocacy, Spanish Speaking Client Advocacy, Sexual Assault Crisis Line and Hospital Accompaniment, Counseling, Support Groups, Follow-ups, and Transitional Housing. 

Located at 862 Memorial Blvd Suite 205, Murfreesboro, TN 37129

Administration for Children and Families

http://www.acf.hhs.gov/

                                     

The Administration for Children and Families (ACF) is a federal agency funding state, territory, local, and tribal organizations to provide family assistance (welfare), child support, child care, Head Start, child welfare, and other programs relating to children and families.

Actual services are provided by state, county, city and tribal governments, and public and private local agencies. ACF assists these organizations through funding, policy direction, and information services.

Nashville Rescue Mission

http://www.nashvillerescuemission.org/

 

The Nashville Rescue Mission is a Christ-centered community dedicated to helping the hungry, homeless and hurting. We strive to restore hope and transform lives by offering programs that focus on spiritual growth, education, employment and life-recovery.

 

Men's Campus
639 Lafayette Street
Nashville, TN 37203-4226

Women's Campus
1716 Rosa L. Parks Blvd.
Nashville, TN 37208

General Inquiries

(615) 255-2475

Music City Mission

Provide clothing, food boxes, household items, furniture, counseling, holiday meals, and special events for needy families. The emphasis is on providing services for those coming out of homelessness, domestic violence and addiction centers, and prison.

Music City Mission is a Christian, Non-profit organization dedicated to "healing the city, one life at a time" through evangelism, discipleship and social action. We accomplish this by offering Meals, Clothing, Volunteerism, Food Boxes, Discipleship, and Evangelism Outreach.

Located in the heart of South Nashville, MCM has been serving hundreds of Nashville's families every month since September of 2003. MCM has consisently been in the top 20 of the United Way "211" referral agencies and in the Spring of 2010 moved up to the top 10. Music City Mission gives individualized attention, prayer and time to each and every family and situation. Being the hands and feet of Jesus is the most important way MCM can effectively make a difference in someone's life.

http://www.musiccitymission.org/

*there is a form on the website you can fill out to request services/referrals.

CALL 615-788-1490

MAILING ADDRESS ONLY:
4636 Lebanon Pike #133
Hermitage, TN 37076
PHYSICAL ADDRESS:
413 Veritas St.
Nashville, TN 37211